LiveJournal Project - October 2002

Sunday afternoon football starts in 30 minutes. Should be able to finish the next three entries by then.

Date: 2002-10-01 10:59
Subject: ravyn has left the building
the decision's been made. now it's just a matter of completing the formalities. a more detailed update will be posted in a day or so once the process has begun.
Mood: determined

Date: 2002-10-04 15:47
Subject: reverend ravyn?
no joke...

i'm now a legally ordained minister of the universal life church. why? why not?

you just never know when you might be called upon to perform a wedding ceremony.

and hey, if i ever get my phd, then i can be a reverend doctor, or a doctor reverend. yeah, let's see how long i can make my name.

oh yeah, i should thank _paegan_ for the link.
Mood: silly

Date: 2002-10-06 15:52
Subject: how many chances do we give?
sometimes, we go through life and we find ourselves in situations which aren't right, but can be repaired. and other times we find ourselves in situations which are completely hopeless and irrevocably broken. at what point does the line between fixable and not fixable blur into a haze where it's not quite so easy to tell which side you're on?

Date: 2002-10-07 00:15
Subject: waxing nostalgic
i was going through some stuff this evening and i found a picture from days long past. and it's funny, because i often claim that i hate memories, both good and bad, because either they remind me of a time that was better than now, or they remind me of a time that was worse and i can't let them go. but in looking at this photo, despite knowing that what it represents is gone, i can only smile. a few people on my friends list will know what this is from.

oh yeah, for those of you who don't know... i'm the one with the goatee and glasses. well, i used to be, anyway.
Mood: indescribable

Date: 2002-10-08 12:32
Subject: when is a debate not a debate?
this quote was taken from the az republic's website today, in reference to the whole iraq debacle.

"At this moment, the people's house begins debate on one of the most difficult questions we will ever face," said Rep. David Dreier, R-Calif.

but then the article later says this:

"Both the House and Senate will also vote on more narrowly drawn alternatives, backed mainly by Democrats, that would authorize force only to deal with the Iraqi weapons buildup and allow unilateral action against Iraq only after the United Nations fails to act or Iraq refuses to cooperate with demands for unfettered inspections.

There was little doubt, however, that the Bush-backed language would win out in the end, probably by a sizable margin."

so... what we really have here is congress going through the motions, pretending like we're a free country and there's actually some choice involved, but what's the point? to make the american public feel better- that their elected reps are actually doing their job? everyone knows that bush is going to get his way, for better or worse, and 21 hours of debate as allocated by henry hyde isn't going to change that. why do they even persist in this fallacious charade, when anyone with more than 2 brain cells to rub together can see that it's just a farce.

i guess the american sheeple appear to be as stupid as we really are.

Date: 2002-10-10 10:20
Subject: tori amos tickets!
9th row... not too shabby... now i just need to find someone who wants to go.... =/

Date: 2002-10-14 04:15
Subject: fucking mormons!
from this article at azcentral.com

PHOENIX - A Castle Megastore opened over the weekend in northwest Phoenix, but a neighborhood group has one last-ditch strategy to use against the pornography boutique. They are talking about standing outside the parking lot with cameras, photographing customers and posting their pictures and license plate numbers on a Web site. "Most people who get involved with pornography do so in secret. Publicizing their participation has a powerful deterrent," said a general call for camera-toting volunteers posted on the group's Web site (dvavalanche.org).

i wrote a letter back to these idiots, consisting of the following:

so today i log on to the azcentral.com website and i read about your plan to post photographs and license plate numbers of those who choose to patronize the new castle boutique that's just opened in your part of town.

perhaps this tactic isn't illegal, as noted by the attorney quoted in the article, but i seriously question your ethics. i'm not going to attempt to debate the merits or lack thereof of establishments such as the castle boutique with you, but i do believe that what you're proposing is absolutely abominable.

if, as you say in your pledge, you honor first amendment rights, then perhaps you ought to honor the rights of the shoppers to be left alone. if the castle has been built in violation of city of phoenix zoning laws, then you need to take up that issue with the city, the courts, and the owner of the store. what people choose to do in their free time, i.e., shop at the castle boutique, is really none of your business. there are many problems facing today's society which are far worse than some videos, magazines, and a healthy collection of sex toys.

also, i would like to point out one thing in response to the following quote on from your pledge:

"For example, from 1996 to present, the police beat around the Castle Boutique on Dunlap reported the highest number of sexual assaults (92) than all other beats in the Cactus Park precinct, 67% higher than the average of all other beats (55)."

that's a nice use of statistics to prove absolutely nothing. you're making the causal connection that the presence of the castle boutique was directly responsible for the increased number of sexual assaults. however, the evidence does not support such a foregone conclusion.

in other words, get a life.

this is fuckin' recockulous. i don't live in this part of town, and it's been at least a year since i've been in a castle boutique, but if i were to venture to this store, and some fool were to take my picture because i decided to go buy the latest model of the anal intruder, i'd probably come out of the store and shove the fuckin' thing right up his do-gooder ass. what the hell is wrong with all these puritanical, closed-minded assholes? if they have a gripe because of the zoning laws, that's fine, they should take their case to court. but harassing the customers? any claim to moral or ethical high ground that these people may have been trying to stake immediately goes down the shitter.

i think george michael was right. "sex is natural, sex is good, not everybody has it, but everybody should." then maybe they wouldn't be so uptight.
Music: Best of Tinrib 96-02
Mood: annoyed

Time: 22:07
Subject: weee, quiz time.
Quiz name: Which personality disorder do you have?
Results: Schizoid?
Meaning: Fuck if I know.

Date: 2002-10-16 05:29
Subject: ya think?
i know i'm getting a little too quiz-happy of late, but this one couldn't really be passed up.
Quiz name: What is your Native American totem?
Results: Raven
Meaning: Duh.

Date: 2002-10-17 15:50
Subject: fuck it, fuck it right in the ear.
of late i've been experiencing a bit of an existential crisis - more or less the same one that i've been dealing with for the last few months, the one in which i look at where my life is and i see all the potential in front of me yet i do nothing, because i don't know what the hell it is i want to be or am supposed to be doing. but these last couple weeks it seems to be growing, and today in my women's studies class it came to a serious head. when i made the choice to go back to school, i did it because i wanted to learn things, to be in an academic setting, and in the hopes that perhaps while perusing different course offerings i might find a bit of direction. so far, all i've found is frustration and annoyance. my women's studies class this semester exemplifies the problem quite well. it's a 300-level lecture class with about 150 students. minimal discussion, and hell, most of the people in the class rarely show up, or if they do, they walk out 10-15 minutes into it. the tests are multiple choice, because, well, god forbid the professor should have to read a bunch of papers (more on this below). the first of these tests was today - 34 questions, scantron bubble sheet, just like we all did in junior high and high school. i fucking hate multiple choice tests. they don't do a damn thing to show whether or not a student has learned anything, only whether or not the student was successful in choosing the right material to memorize and then able to commit said bullshit to short-term memory just long enough to make a few circular scribbles on a piece of paper. well, apparently i chose the wrong stuff to commit to memory, because, foolish me, i actually paid attention to the study guide that the prof. made available. too bad most of the stuff on that study guide wasn't on the exam, and a good chunk of the exam wasn't on the study guide. so most likely i will not get a good grade on this test. but what does that prove? does it suggest that i don't know the material, or maybe it just means that i don't find it useful to be able to distinguish five names from five other names in the grand scheme of learning. i'm half-tempted to go up to the professor and tell her flat out that i think the whole thing is bullshit (i'm sure this will be well-received) and that i'd rather write a fucking paper - at least then i can show that i really do know the material and that i can discuss and analyze it in an intelligent fashion. what's really amusing in that piss-me-off sort of way is when i contrast this class with a political science course i took last semester. about 30 people in that class, and we wrote a SHITLOAD of papers - probably about 60 pages per person over the course of the term, which adds up to about 1800 pages that the prof. and TAs had to read. ok, so the poli-sci professor, who's only an associate professor and doesn't even have tenure yet is willing to read 1800 pages of student writing, but the FULL professor who has her tenue firmly secured won't read (as an example) a single 10-page paper from each of her 100-150 students, a task which still comes in at less work. yeah, give professors tenure and the fucks get lazy. that's how it really works.

large schools like asu are designed for one thing and one thing only, and that's to be degree factories. they exist to force students to play the game so that when they get out, they're ready to play the corporate game and suck at the teat of big business until it has sucked THEM dry and they're old and gray and ready to retire to florida or the nearest shady acres nursing home. further, i've found that most of the people who attend any sort of college do so because in some way they HAVE TO, as opposed to actually WANTING TO. yeah, you might have your older students who say that they want to go back to school, but usually this is in order to get a degree in a new field or an advanced degree in a current field so that they can get a better JOB or make more MONEY. they're not simply in it for the sake of learning. and the young students? forget it, they're either in it to get a job in the first place, because mummy and daddy said so, or some other reason which suggests compulsory rather than voluntary attendance. well, hey, that's great for them, but that doesn't fit me too well. i don't have to be there. i don't need the degree. i've gotten myself into a position where all those things are completely irrelevant, so i'm trying to learn for the sake of learning, because i enjoy it and because i like to keep my mind occupied. but the system will have none of that. i should've known better when i originally signed up for this academic adventure and dropped some stuff off in the graduation office (i have about 200 credits or so). i made the mistake of saying that i didn't really care if i graduated and that i was really only there to learn, only to receive the stinging rebuke that i shouldn't say such a thing, because graduation was the goal of college. really? i guess i've been wrong all this time, thinking that the point of school and education was to learn. silly rabbit, degrees are for robots.

so this brings me to my dilemma. do i continue to waste time on this shit when all i derive from it is an ever-growing sense of frustration and stupidification at the hands of the masses? part of me says that i should just suck it up and finish this semester of recockulosity and not bother going back. another part of me says that there really isn't any point in finishing the semester because i'm not getting anything useful out of it and my time would be better spent looking for something else to do. right now that's looking like the favored alternative, and i've considered the idea of just buying a bunch of books and reading them on my own and then hoping that i come across other well-read individuals who enjoy a good discussion. i'm not sure how likely that is, given how rarely i meet new people as it is.

in any event, i'm open to suggestions, both for a solution to this problem as well as any good books that y'all can recommend. when i say "good books" i mean intelligent writing, something that i can read and learn from, not some stupid campy novel about fabio or a piece of anne rice trash. so i'm thinking primarily in the realm of non-fiction here, but if you've got suggestions for good novels or other forms of fiction that don't fall under the "better-off-used-for-firewood" category, that'll work too.

and maybe, given the way my life is and my views on education and the desire to learn new and interesting stuff, that's the way i have to do it. as i think back to the first college i attended in florida, i recall a part of it's mission statement: in the final analysis, every student is responsible for his/her own education.
Music: Cocteau Twins - Four-Calendar Cafe
Mood: frustrated

Date: 2002-10-20 07:40
Subject: what else is there to do at 7:21 in the morning on a sunday?
that's right, another quiz!! ripped off from a bunch of people, and available at auracolors.com

the premise here is that you answer a bunch of questions and you end up with a set of numbers, with the highest ones being your "life colors"... ok, sure... what i find interesting is that on other folks' LJs who've taken this quiz, i notice that they all tend to have one or two values which greatly outstrip the rest. maybe one of them will be a 12 or a 10 while most of the rest will be around 4 or 5 or thereabouts. not so for yours truly.

the top 3 "aura colors" for me are... well, it's a tie, actually.
green (5) - crystal (5) - violet (5)

green: Greens are some of the most powerful and intelligent people in the aura spectrum. Greens are extremely bright. They process information and ideas quickly; jumping from steps one to ten. They do not like dealing with all the steps and details in between. A project that is too detailed is tedious and boring for Greens . They prefer to develop an idea, organize a plan, and then delegate someone else to take care of the details. Greens are very drawn to money, power, and business. These quick-thinkers are very organized and efficient. They write lists and efficiently check off the items on the list as they are completed. Greens recognize patterns and discover solutions very quickly. When Greens are in their power, they can accomplish anything. They love to set goals and are determined to achieve them. Greens are "movers and shakers" when it comes to taking action. They are also typically the workaholics on the planet. Greens are highly competitive and enjoy challenges. They thrive on taking risks. Gambling is common for Greens , especially if there is a potential for large winnings. Being strong-willed, these powerful personalities are determined to have their own way, which they usually feel is the right way. A person is rarely able to win an argument with Greens .

crystal: Crystal is a rare Life Color. Crystals have clear auras and are known as the "aura chameleons." Like chameleons, their auras will change colors to match those of the people they are connecting with at the time. They then take on the characteristics, behavior patterns, emotions and thoughts of that color. Consequently, in power Crystals can get along quite well with almost anyone. Yellows , for example, feels they can relate to Crystals who, when they are with them, act and think like Yellows . Later, when the same Crystals spend time with Sensitive Tans, the Tans can feel as if they have found kindred spirits. However, the Crystals’ inconsistencies can also confuse people. One minute Crystals think and behave like Greens . A short while later, they can act like Blues . The more they connect and bond with others, the more their personalities change. Because Crystals tend to absorb the colors of other people's auras, people can, at times, feel an energy drain when they are in the presence of Crystals . In power, Crystals can be a clear conduit or channel for healing energy. Being natural healers, the Crystals’ gift is to help their clients clear blockages, thereby enabling the clients' own natural healing processes to take place. While healing, balanced Crystals are able to keep their thoughts and emotions out of the way, making the healing more pure. Crystals do not always understand their healing abilities. It can often frighten and confuse them or cause them to feel overwhelmed. These rare souls are often physically fragile and delicate. Because of their unusual sensitivity, they can only heal one person at a time. They then need to go to a peaceful place to cleanse their aura. Working with too many people can short-circuit their system.

violet: Violets are the inspirational visionaries, leaders and teachers who are here to help save the planet. Most Violets feel drawn to educate the masses, to inspire higher ideals, to improve the quality of life on the planet, or to help save people, animals and the environment. All Violets have an inner sense that they are here to do something important, that their destiny is greater than that of the average person. Most Violets have felt this way since childhood. As children, many Violets imagined becoming famous, or traveling the planet, possibly joining humanitarian causes such the Peace Corp. Many of these charismatic personalities take on roles as leaders and teachers, while other Violets prefer to reach people through music, film or other art form. Because this era is currently the "Violet Age," any Violets who are not accomplishing what they came here to do are experiencing an inner "push" -- even an inner "earthquake." Inner forces seem to be shaking them up and pushing them to move into action, to fulfill their life purpose. Violets know they are here to do something significant. However, they aren't always sure what that something is or how to accomplish it. Many Violets were taught as children that their dreams and aspirations were unrealistic, so they have lost touch with their original visions. It's important for Violets to reconnect with their life purpose and vision, and to take action. Otherwise they will always feel unfulfilled. They will always sense something is missing from their lives. Violets need to learn to slow down long enough to listen to their inner voice and to connect with their higher vision.

i don't know about some of this. intelligent? sure. drawn to money, power, and business? not really. a sensitive healer? uh, i don't think so. here to save the planet? maybe when i was younger, but now i'd rather watch it burn. although i will say that i definitely feel like i need to be doing something but i have no idea what the hell it is. maybe figuring out what i need to be doing is what i need to be doing? how's that for logic beyond reproach? ha!
Mood: amused

Date: 2002-10-23 07:13
Subject: quote of the day.
Most of the major ills of the world have been caused by well-meaning people who ignored the principle of individual freedom, except as applied to themselves, and who were obsessed with fanatical zeal to improve the lot of mankind-in-the-mass through some pet formula of their own. The harm done by ordinary criminals, murderers, gangsters, and thieves is negligible in comparison with the agony inflicted upon human beings by the professional do-gooders, who attempt to set themselves up as gods on earth and who would ruthlessly force their views on all others- with the abiding assurance that the end justifies the means.
--Henry Grady Weaver

Date: 2002-10-26 10:18
Subject: hey kids, what time is it?
a couple weeks ago, while reading friends' entries and friends of friends' entries, i came across a rather interesting LJ. i'm going to leave the person's username off of this post, for reasons which will become readily apparent, but if you really want to know, it probably wouldn't be hard to track down. anyway, i've since been following his "journey through the 5th gate" in an effort to try to understand exactly what it is that he's doing, and what, exactly, this 11:11 stuff is supposed to be about, more out of curiosity than anything. so i've read his journal entries, and i've visited the website that's run by the person who started the 11:11 movement (available here at http://www.nvisible.com although i don't really recommend it) and i can't help but ask myself the same two questions over and over again:

who comes up with this shit? and more interestingly, who actually buys into it?

it seems to me that most of these new age enlightenment movements have no more substance than the babble-jargon that they come up with in order to describe themselves. completely vacuous and without substance, it's like a void being built on top of a void and trying to look like something real. here's an example of what i'm talking about, taken from the dictionary of terms at the 11:11 website:

The Lovers from Beyond the Stars: They are perceived as the holders for the focus of the Greater Love within the Template of Oneness. In fact, they are the Template of the Greater Love. The Lovers from Beyond the Stars are two, very expanded halves of the same being who are so vast they extend far beyond the most distant stars.

ok, would someone care to explain what the fuck that's supposed to mean? the focus of the greater love? funny how the greater love is defined in terms of the lovers beyond the stars. this sort of self-referential tactic gives you a whole bunch of nifty terms, none of which are ever actually explained. well, unless you're willing to pay $19.95 (or whatever it is) to buy the book. and even then, you might have to buy the second and third books before you ever get any sort of concrete explanation. keep the masses guessing, keep them confused. keep the knowledge confined to the priesthood. and this isn't even christianity that i'm talking about here.

but here's a better one:

Master Numbers: The numerical units which are our entry point into the Greater Reality. Master Numbers are: 11, 22, 33, 44, 55, 66, 77, 88, & 99. Double Master Numbers such as 11:11 are insertion points for the Greater Reality to enter into the present moment.

obviously the point here is to look at numbers where the digits are the same. but this presumes that the universe operates on a decimal number system. the decimal number system is a construct of mankind. what about binary? what about hexadecimal? what about base 60? then these master numbers become irrelevant. maybe the human universe really should operate on base 20 (or base 21 if you're male)?

and here's the kicker:

The Doorway of the 11:11 opens once and closes once, and only One may pass through. This refers to the fact that we graduate from duality by uniting into conscious Oneness and becoming One Being. The 11:11 is scheduled to close on November 11, 2011. At that time, the two evolutionary spirals will separate. The choice before us is whether we anchor our beings in duality or Oneness.

so, if this is to be believed, we've all got 9 years or less to get our shit in gear and get on board, or we're going to be forever left behind. sounds a lot like that christian sect which said that the rapture had already occurred and 144,000 people mysteriously vanished from the earth somewhere back in the 1980s, leaving the rest of us behind. heh, oops, sorry, you weren't on god's list, must be too late. no more second chances. i wonder what it is that these folks say is going to happen in 2011 when the doorway supposedly closes. is there going to be some sort of noticeable change on this planet? are we going to start seeing faeries and sprites and demons walking among us? or, and this is my opinion, is absolutely nothing going to happen, and when someone raises the concern of "hey, i don't feel anything different" that person is going to be told "sorry, old chap, it happened, but you just weren't on the bus." think about it. i can sit here all day and talk about demons and sprites and spirits that i see and talk to on a regular basis, who might even be sitting on my shoulder as i type this - but if you come into my room and say "there's nothing there" - what can you really say in response to me if i tell you "that's because THEY don't want you to see them"?

so what's my point in all of this? right now there's a lot of nastiness going on in the world, and every day it seems that there's some new piece of dung to be added to the bullshit pile, whether it be evils perpetrated by humanity against itself or more damage to the environment, or whatever. but all of these new age movements out there that claim that they understand what's happening and how it can be fixed and how there are great things on the horizon and so on and so forth are doing little more than offering a false sense of placebo-effect hope to the people who aren't strong enough to face the world on their own. and that's a lof of people, apparently. wake up and smell the nag champa.

the path to enlightenment, whatever it may be, is a personal journey. make it for yourself, not by riding on some charlatan's coattails straight to nowhere.

on a related note... there are hundreds, if not thousands of different faiths and belief systems out there, all of them purporting to understand the universe, or to be the "right" one, or whatnot, offering humanity a glimpse at something which exists beyond the normal physical reality that we're used to. did you ever stop to think that maybe they're ALL WRONG? maybe it's all made up, just so we can feel better about our pitiful little existence on this planet, hoping that something happens to us after we die, because god forbid we'd just die and have that be the end of it. who knows, really. i don't claim to have all the answers - in fact, i think i can say with reasonable certainty don't have any of the answers - and maybe that's because there aren't any. i suppose i'm the ultimate skeptical agnostic in this sense - until something comes along and bites me in the ass with some incontrovertible proof, i prefer to deal with the reality that exists, not the one that i can make up.
Mood: amused

Time: 17:21
Subject: shivers...
sometimes, when you hear a song, you can't help but get so absorbed into the music that your whole body gets shivers. the way it sounds, the lyrics, the flow of the instruments, or whatever - but it all combines to form something you just can't describe.
Music: Edera - Good Things
Mood: touched

Date: 2002-10-30 18:13
Subject: is it worth it?
it's that time of year again, kids... no, not the holiday season, but pre-registration time for the upcoming semester at asu. so i'm looking for input. should i even bother going back next semester (knowing that i don't need a degree or care about getting one and usually just end up frustrated at the endless parade of stupid people i have to deal with), and if so, which classes should i take? right now, i'm looking at these:

DSC 494 - special topics: finding purpose - T/TH 1:40-255
REL 494 - special topics: magic, metaphor and mind - T 1:00-4:00
POS 498 - professional seminar: ethics and human rights - M/W/F 11:40-12:30
POS 346 - problems of democracy - M 3:40-6:30 or TH 5:40-8:30
PHI 317 - philosophy of mind - T/TH 10:40-11:55
EPE 348 - psychology of optimal performance - T/TH 12:15-1:30

what really sucks about all of this is that i'd like to take both of those first two classes - because i could use a little discovery of purpose in my life right now, but that religion class (which is also cross-listed in a few other departments) sounds really cool. damn asu, this is what happens to me every semester. i find a few classes that sound quite interesting and they're all offered at the worst times possible, or they overlap. anyway, i have until the 5th of november to get my pre-reg request in, so start dropping those comments and suggestions. =)

on another note... picked up (well, downloaded, actually) the new tori amos album last night, save for one song with didn't fully propagate to my news server. i'm still not sure what i think of it. some of the songs are excellent, and some of them annoy the piss out of me. although, come to think of it, all of her albums have been that way. ah well, i'm still looking forward to the show in december - she never fails to amaze.

two more days to vegas!
-ravyn out-