LiveJournal Project - November 2002

So much for getting it all of 2002 done on Sunday morning; the goal for tonight is to finish 2002 and maybe 2003.  On we go....

Date: 2002-11-01 13:17
Subject: bring on the mayhem!
well, after much buildup and anticipation, the valiant crew of cory, mike, beth, and ravyn shall be setting forth on a journey of insanity and nuttiness in a little over two hours. that's right, folks, we're goin' to vegas, the land of blackjack, free alcohol, strippers, and general debauchery. not that those four things comprise the whole of our planned activities for the weekend, but they certainly should help to guide us along the way. funny thing, too: i dropped chuck and brent an email last night letting them know that i was going to be out of town in vegas for the weekend, so in case there's a server crash or other such mishap they'll have to find someone else to fix the problem; chuck called me this morning and they're going to be in vegas this weekend, too. so if the servers crash, heh, too bad!

and in perfect vegas preparation, last night cory and i skipped the standard halloween insanity down on mill and went to check out blast, a musical/theatre/performance art show, and we both came away quite impressed. music, drumming, synchronized throwing of objects all combined for an excellent audiovisual display, along with the occasional elements of comedy. so perhaps it would be appropriate to say... i laughed, i cried, it was better than "cats". =)

oh yeah, and i got my hair done, too. back to the black and red that i had a few months back, but the stylist who did the color this time did a much better job, and it looks really fuckin' cool. i'm taking my digital camera to vegas, so perhaps i'll get a good picture.

Date: 2002-11-04 23:22
Subject: fear and loathing in las vegas.
single deck blackjack... it's the only way to fly.

Date: 2002-11-07 06:29
Subject: we like cryptic entries.
it's hard to be optimistic when your gut starts screaming that no matter how you proceed, you're going to get screwed. lube me up, johnson, i'm goin' in.
Music: Icon of Coil - Love as blood
Mood: pensive

Time: 17:37
Subject: dammit, dammit, sonofabitch.
it hasn't been a good day in ravynland. after a wack-ass collection of dreams this morning, the meaning of which i'm still trying to sort out, i dragged my ass down to asu to take the third linear algebra exam. i think i'd probably have scored higher on it if i'd just had a collection of monkeys with pencils scribbling out answers. i spent a bit of time studying this morning because i couldn't sleep, and even though i had other things on my mind, i still felt like the information was seeping into my neurons, to remain there at least long enough to solve a few problems and then be on its merry way back out of the brain. unfortunately, it didn't quite work the way i had planned it, though. i forgot to study one section of the book, so i completely didn't know how to do one of the problems, and the rest of them, well, i thought i knew how to do it all, but the numbers i kept getting just didn't look right, and without assistance of a calculator, i think the operative word of the day is "fucked". ah well, if the professor is feeling pity on me, i might pull a low C, but i'm thinking somewhere in the D-F range. i guess i'll just have to ace the final if i want to get an A in the class.

more insanity shall unfold.
Music: Icon of Coil - Activate
Mood: blah

Time: 21:17
Subject: a question for y'all...
i don't know how many of you on my friends list or that read this thing will have any input here, but anyway...

for anyone who's familiar with terence mckenna, the various changes that are supposed to happen in the year 2012, and all the various "new age" prophecies and chatter and everything else that come along with it, i'd like to pose a question...

in AD 999, people believed that the world would end in the year 1000. we had more doom and gloom folks just a few years ago, claiming that all sorts of chaos was going to erupt in the year 2000. what makes 2012 any different? throughout time, prophets have been foretelling changes in the world, the end of the world, and various other transformations on a grand scale. but they never seem to happen. come 2013, if everything's exactly the same as it was in 2012, what will these people say then?

i'm not going to say that all of the folks that believe in this sort of thing are wrong, because, well, honestly, i just DON'T KNOW. but sometimes i think that people just look for hope wherever they can find it, whether or not it actually has any promise of delivery.

Time: 21:32
Subject: more nuttiness!
this is kinda funny in that sarcastic sort of way, but at the same time i think it's worth a ponder.

taken from: http://deoxy.org/pdfa/SobrietyNazis.htm

I have a really good question: If you can't enjoy being sober, then, what's the point of staying sober? If you are shy/social phobic to the point of being disabled while sober but get social when drunk off your arse, then, what's the point of putting yourself through the misery and loneliness that comes with permanent sobriety?

Yes, sobriety has it's advantages, mainly driving and holding onto a job to get money for the weekends! After that, however, what's the point of sitting home alone on a Friday or Saturday night? Everyone knows about the "dry drunk", the sober bloke who is miserable in his sobriety.

Why is Sobriety held up as the "gold standard"? What is so magical about this state of Sobriety? I think it's a good question, as I'm the type who is social-phobic to the point of a disability. If there was a drug that made me social, I'd rather end up full-blown addicted to such a drug than live in total isolation or have to put myself through having to try to be social without such a drug.

This can be said about depressed people on antidepressants or anxiety people on their medication too. This can also be said about impotent people on Viagra(tm). What's the point of being "drug-free" if you can't enjoy life without drugs?

I'm one who sobers up for keeping a job, and gets drunk on the weekends. With sufficient money, I get social when drinking, BUT I can't be social sober. That's becuse my social skills are too limited. I have tried being social sober, but it takes an excessive amount of work. Besides that, the social confidence is very fragile.

Since alcohol is righfully called a Drug, this applies to drugs as well. Suppose I came across a currently illegal drug that lets me be social. Why should I have to suffer at the hands of the drug war supporters? That makes my life collateral damage in their stupid crusade. Let's see them deal with terminal shyness "clean"/sober. Why should I have to put myself through trolling for doctors to prescribe me Benzos? Why should I have to suffer with terminal shyness?

The pro-sober drug war crowd will say I should just work on it. But that doesn't work long-term. Would they pay for a permanent supply of acting classes? I doubt it! Will these same people provide the encouragement I need becuse of a busted self-esteem? I doubt it! What is their solution for terminal shyness or ADHD and the Ritalin users? Can't these cretins admit that some people NEED drugs? That's my whole point. Some people NEED drugs just to cope in this fucked up world.

Have the pro-sober lamers ever had any kind of problem that was disabling that can be alleviated with drugs or alcohol, even temporarily? Why do these people say that alcohol abusers shouldn't be prescribed Benzos? Why the lame moral judgement? Obviously, an alcohol abuser is self-medicating for some kind of problem. Otherwise, they wouldn't do it to themselves! I speak from my own expierence with alcohol abuse and disabling shyness.

Of course, this lameness is the result of that stupid Yank "puritan" bullshit. I'd like to see these idiots forced to have to sing in a full karaoke bar totally sober/clean to show them what social anxiety is like.Then, they can see what it's like for me EVERY DAY.

Date: 2002-11-14 13:02
Subject: lack of content makes ravyn take quizzes.
there're some interesting developments going on in my life these days, but nothing that i can really talk about at this point. so instead we'll have some test results.

http://www.emode.com/tests/inkblot/

ravyn, your unconscious mind is driven most by Resistance

You approach the world with your guard intact because unconsciously, and perhaps consciously, you want to maintain an element of control in your relationships with people. You tend to hold much of what is in your unconscious mind just out of reach of others. You're not one to immediately show all your cards, to let people into who you really are until you're ready.

Unfortunately, that sometimes means you also hide things from yourself. You may find that your desire to remain guarded backfires, affecting your self-awareness. Why are you like this? It's possible that you act in this manner because of a deeply-rooted fear of being exposed, or of truly expressing yourself. To protect yourself from this fear, you act in the opposite manner -- you are guarded.

There is a certain respect that comes with resistance, an unconscious understanding that the human psyche is very vulnerable. We all feel we have a lot to hide, and you are not one to be intrusive or thoughtless about how you approach sensitive topics with others. Therefore you inspire a sense of safety in others when they are around you. Your psyche is very deep, very rich, and the more you can let yourself know (both the good and the bad), the more you will be able to appreciate who you really are.

Date: 2002-11-21 10:49
Subject: hee hee hee
this is from a comment posted on pillreports.com.

"how do you think the police know whats going around? Could we POSSIBLY make it any easier? They monitor all rave message boards too... we did a little experiment with our local rave board in which we promoted a mock show to see if it would get raided. So we borrowed a warehouse space, covered the windows, and had a guy stand at the door. Inside there were 4 of us eating pizza playing video games... 16 cops showed up and barged in on us... so we took pics and called them funny names... Was a great time..."

Time: 14:23
Subject: from the "only in america" department.
http://www.cnn.com/2002/LAW/11/21/fast.food.lawsuit.ap/index.html

Lawyers have filed a class-action lawsuit against McDonald's on behalf of New York children who have suffered health problems, including diabetes, high blood pressure, and obesity.... The plaintiffs include a Bronx teen who ate every meal at McDonald's for three years while living in a homeless shelter. Another is a 13-year-old boy from Staten Island who says he ate at McDonald's food three to four times a week and is now 5-foot-4 and 278 pounds.

maybe these fuckers ought to exercise? or maybe they ought exercise some self-control? turn off the goddamn television and go to the park! and tell me: what's a kid in a homeless shelter, who supposedly has no money, doing eating at mcdonald's? and why aren't they suing burger king? a whopper with cheese has more calories, fat, and sodium than a big mac. hey, i'll admit that i eat more fast food than i ought to, but is that the burger's fault? it doesn't take a rocket scientist to know that if you're going to eat greaseball burgers, you'd better get your ass in the gym and burn that shit off, or make sure you're having lots of sex, or doing tweak, or whatever.

fuckin' christ!
Mood: frustrated

Date: 2002-11-22 00:33
Subject: upcoming madness
a week from now, yours truly will be up in the middle of nowhere, somewhere in canada, spinning at a small rave. i've ordered a bunch of new records that i've been playing with over the last week, and i've got some pretty good tracks to drop on the canucks. this'll be my first time doing this shit in front of a real party crowd, and i'm nervous as fuck. even though i'll never see any of those people ever again (unless somehow i manage to r0xx0r their s0xx0rs and they want me back at some point) i still don't want to embarass myself (and for the nationalists among you, my state and country, haha). if i can just keep my nerves under control, i know i'll do fine - in my practice sessions here at home i've been tearing shit up, but at skott's "fuck life, i'm unemployed" party last week, i couldn't hold my shit together. i started reaching for the needle to put on my first record (not even a mixed one, dammit) and my hands were shaking. my first mix turned out quite good and then it went downhill from there. time to work on my meditation or something.

Date: 2002-11-26 11:55
Subject: interesting times
there's an old chinese curse that says "may you live in interesting times." but i wonder if that's really a curse. as i sit here towards the end of 2002 and i look at things which may be unfolding over the next several months, i have to say that it does appear that i am entering (and perhaps even already in the middle of) interesting times. but far from being frightened or worried, as i look forward i can't help but be excited. life is changing greatly - who knows what the future has in store, but it should be a fun ride, and at this time next year everything may be completely different than it is now. weeeeeeeee!
Mood: excited

Date: 2002-11-27 04:07
Subject: November 29th - just stay home!
every year around this time, i tend to go on a mad rant about all the things that i really don't like about the holiday season: rampant consumerism, hypocritical people, fat men in red suits, and so on and so forth. so stay tuned. but in the meantime, keep your money in your pockets.