LiveJournal Project - July 2005

Coming up on a decade-transition boundary always leads one to start thinking more.

Date: 2005-07-01 19:41
Subject: (no subject)
on cnn.com right now, there's a poll question that asks "Whom do you believe more about treatment for postpartum depression?" Your choices are:

A: Brooke Shields
B: Tom Cruise
C: My own doctor

i don't know about the rest of you, but as far as i'm concerned, this is a no-brainer. now, granted that this poll is incredbily unscientific, and CNN makes sure to admit as much, but even so, i find the actual numbers both amusing and incredibly pathetic. 35% of respondents picked Brooke Shields. 5% picked Tom Cruise. perhaps the folks that picked the "but they're celebrites, we have to listen to them because they wouldn't mislead us" option aren't complete morons; maybe their doctors are incompetent, bumbling quacks that got their educations at the university of upper slobovia - internet campus.

there is no internet campus for the university of upper slobovia, which means that 40% of the people that took this poll were willing to put their faith (and, in many cases, i would argue, their health) into the opinions of a couple of hollywood glamour talking-heads, as opposed to listening to their doctors. fuck, who needs medical school to tell you how the body works when you can just become a scientologist instead and read about the most profound secrets of the universe for only $19.95? (prices may vary, some restrictions apply)

the world is full of idiots - but we aleady knew that.

Date: 2005-07-13 20:59
Subject: let's give it up for PSMF!
that's right, kids, we're on for round 3 of PSMF (AKA the chicken diet) starting weight: 239.4 - which is only a pound higher than where i left off at the end of round 2 back in may - not too bad. the goal will be to get down to around 225-227 by the end of the month.

in other news... kung fu is going well, although some of the work we do is proving to be rough on the knee (hence the reason for a return to the chicken diet). i suppose it's possible that i'm actually not helping myself out by taking kung fu classes, but, well, you only live once, and if i'm going to be a crippled old man when i'm 80, at least i had a good time in the process. hopefully the combination of more chicken-diet and kung fu and whatever else will remove the need to have knee surgery at some future point, but i'm not terribly optimistic that i can stave it off forever. we'll see.

summer school is going ok, but it really is a severe pain in the ass to have to be in class 5 days a week for 3 hours at a time. at this rate, i'm not expecting to actually learn anything in this class - it's more a matter of cramming the material into my brain long enough to take the tests/quizzes and finish my graduation requirements. senioritis seems to be hitting me with full force - at this point i don't even give a shit if i don't get an A in this class. of course, i shouldn't say that - if the goal really is to apply to law/grad school (taking the GRE on aug. 17th) then anything that makes the GPA go down just won't do. i was originally planning to take 15 credits in my final semester this fall, but i think i'm going to scale that back and take 6 - maybe 9 if i'm feeling particularly ambitious.

not much else is going on. defcon is at the end of the month, so scott, kevin and i will be making the trek to vegas for a weekend of fun, excitement, and knowledge acquisition.

must sleep now.

edit.. so much for sleep. and i forgot... there's a nice little conflict brewing between defcon and my japanese class. japanese 202 meets every day. defcon starts on july 29th - a friday. the current plan is to drive up on thursday after i get out of class. now, this would normally not be much of a problem; i'd simply ditch class that day and not worry about it. however, on that day is the chapter 6 test, which accounts for 7% of my grade - too significant to simply eat a zero. i mentioned all of this to the prof. on the first day of class - that i'd need to miss that day, that i'd planned to attend this conference for months, that i do computer shit for a living - but she didn't seem too impressed. she asked for some con materials, which i'm going to print out and give her, but i have this strange feeling that she's not going to let me take the exam when i get back. in the event that this happens, i have two options. A: drop the class. i really, really don't want to do this - one, because it means i'll have yet another "W" on my transcript, and two, because then i'll just have to take 202 again in the fall - with the same teacher. B: fly back to phoenix on friday morning, take the exam and then fly back to vegas when i'm done. i've already checked AmWest's website, and there are two flights that will work for me, costing only $98 round-trip, but this will be a MAJOR pain in the ass, and i'll be forced to miss a good number of interesting presentations.
Mood: tired

Date: 2005-07-15 16:23
Subject: PSMF, cycle 3, day 2
i'm doing things a little bit differently than last time - i'm not going to write down all the crap i eat and stand on the scale every day unless i get the feeling that i'm doing something wrong (i.e., not eating enough protein, eating too much non-protein, whatever). maybe every other day, who knows. but yeah, so far: 2 days in, 3 pounds gone, and all of the typical PSMF side effects - most notably a complete inability to sleep at night which really, really sucks.

Date: 2005-07-19 03:22
Subject: in which the blackbird ponders his future.
got to thinking last night, and the night before, and thoughts drifted to that age-old question of "what the hell do i want to do when i grow up?" you'd think that since i'm turning 30 in a little more than a month i'd have some idea; after all, i've been talking about law school on this LJ like i'm dead set on the idea, and i've signed up to take the GRE on aug. 17th in the event that i find myself more inclined towards a traditional grad program, but the more i start to think about it, the more i wonder whether or not both options are mistakes.

when you go to law school, you work your ass off on one thing (law) for three years, and that's basically more or less all you do. grad school is no different, really - you pick your thesis/dissertation project, and that's basically all you do for anywhere from three to six years, hoping the entire time that your advisor doesn't transfer, die, or both. in both cases, you've narrowed your focus down to the point of tunnel vision, so if you wake up one morning and suddenly decide that you don't like what you're doing anymore, well, you're screwed in so many ways, so you'd better make sure that you're really doing something that you want before you get involved in the first place.

anyone who knows me even remotely well knows that i've never, not once in my life, had this kind of focus, and i'm really beginning to wonder if a: i ever will, and b: if i even want it in the first place. i've always been good at what i've chosen do, sure, but i've never found anything that's captured my attention to the point where i could legitimately see myself doing it for the next N years at the exclusion of so many other things. my interests are all over the place. in the 1500s, they would have called me a renaissance man and meant it as a compliment, but today, i think i'd be more likely to be classified pejoratively as an unfocused dabbler, a dilettante. i continue to waffle back and forth between believing that i need to pick something and stick with it for awhile because, well, that's just what i'm supposed to do -- and believing that it's ok to not know what the hell you want out of life, as long as you're doing something you enjoy. it's like i said when i started going to raves: when it stopped being fun, i'd stop going. when i no longer enjoy doing something, when something becomes boring, or when i've learned as much as i want to know about something, then i switch to something else. this is why, as you might imagine, i usually have multiple projects in the pipeline at any given time, all of them at various stages of incompletion.

i know that a main cause of the development of this predicament is the fact that it's been 5 years since the last time i had to work a "normal" 40-hour job and be beholden to the demands of someone else. i've had metric buttloads of free time to relax, to go to school, to do basically whatever the fuck i've wanted to do, and some days i wonder if i've become far too accustomed to that kind of lifestyle to ever consider having a "real" job (or even a "real" schedule, complete with copious amounts of structure that require my presence at specific points on the timespace continuum on a habitual basis) ever again. it's as if life has, at least with respect to many of the areas that other people in my age group probably find of greatest concern, become too easy - and while i sit here enjoying that state of affairs, seemingly unwilling to change it, i am at the same time lamenting it as a reason that i don't get more shit done.

suffering is the engine of achievement is the engine of complacency.

Date: 2005-07-23 19:03
Subject: at least someone has his head on straight.
from CNN: http://www.cnn.com/2005/US/07/23/security.cameras.ap/index.html

"Let's say we put cameras on all the subways in New York City, and terrorists bomb movie theaters instead. Then it's a total waste of money," said Bruce Schneier, author of "Beyond Fear: Thinking Sensibly about Security in an Uncertain World." It's not much more likely to catch a terrorist than the random searches that New York officials have begun conducting on subways, he said. Better to spend money on intelligence resources to prevent attacks and emergency training to respond to them, he said.

ol' bruce knows what he's talking about - but what i really want to know is how so many other people can be so stupid. they readily acquiesce to more cameras and random searches, because they're told by the powers that be that it's necessary for their safety, resigning themselves to accepting it as a by-product of the world we live in, as if somehow there is something fundamentally different about the world today compared to four years ago. hey, people, wake up! start asking questions! don't simply buy into the party line that "X is a good idea" without getting someone to explain why. read some news stories, and you'll notice that nobody ever bothers to ask that question. it's simply "Senator Pig has called for more XYZ in the name of homeland security." why is that, senator pig? what makes you think that this is a good idea? how much do you really know about terrorism, and how much of what you think you know is just spoonfed to you in carefully-tailored intelligence reports? oh, and senator pig, knowing the capabilities of a terrorist group or its intentions doesn't mean you know jack about terrorism itself. oink, motherfucker, oink.

....
the CNN article talks about a 40% reduction in crime in chicago that chicago authorities claim is due, at least in part, to their extensive camera network. ok, that's great, good for them - but don't these fuckwads realize that the difference between your run-of-the-mill street punk that's looking to score some crack money from a passerby's wallet and a terrorist who's hell-bent on fucking shit up without regard for life and limb (TM) is like the difference between a stick of dynamite and a nuclear bomb. what good would cameras have done to stop 9/11? we'd have some pictures of the bombers. oh, wait, that's what we do have. that, and two missing buildings and a few thousand dead people. even the london police admit that their cameras don't help prevent terrorism.

want to reduce the chances of terrorist attack? it's not as hard as everyone would have us believe. first, we need to accept the reality that you'll never eliminate it entirely. second, the US has to stop meddling in the rest of the world. if liberal democracy really is the pinnacle of socio-political evolution, then it will spread on its own; it doesn't need us to foist our own bastardized implementation on people. third, we invest heavily into alternative energy research. remove the need for arab oil, and we remove any economic reasons for a military presence in that part of the world. even bush is smart enough to know that oil is a national security concern - think about how much better off would we be if it were not. of course, to do all of these things would require a radical change in the national mindset - an acceptance that we can no longer prance around the world in a state of perpetual arrogance and ignorance.

even the greeks knew of the dangers of hubris, and zeus is warming up his lightning bolts once again.
Music: Eminem - Just Lose It

Date: 2005-07-24 07:52
Subject: thinking about law school yet again...
yeah, i know, some of you are probably getting tired of reading my various law school rants and ponderings, but here comes another one. over the last couple weeks, i've been trying to piece together ideas and string together some eloquent turns of phrase for my personal statement, and up to this point all i've really been able to pull out of my brain is a general idea of what i'd been thinking that i wanted to say. i think, though, that perhaps the reason that it hasn't simply been flowing out of me is that maybe it hasn't been the right focus. sure, i can talk about my work experience, running my own business, and how having practical experience from several different angles within the technology industry gives me a unique perspective that most other applicants aren't going to have. then i can go on about how a law degree would provide a perfect complement to my sci/tech background, particularly given my interest in internet law.

and you know, while all of that might be true, it's also a bunch of sugar-coated bullshit. it might even be what law school adcoms want to hear, but i don't think it's what they're going to get. i'm not going to give them an image of some nice little suit-and-tie dude who worked his way through school or whatnot, because, well, that's not me now and it never has been. i'm going to give them the straight up, no bullshit, what-you-see-is-what-you-get angry blackbird. i really have no idea how adcoms will react to something with the flavor of what i've written below (minus use of the word "fucking", of course) - and you know, i don't care. if they don't like it, then i won't get in - but i'd like to think that at least some of them will understand where i'm coming from.

( a bunch of stream-of-consciousness rambling follows...)

ultimately, there's a simple answer to the question of "why law school?" -- it's because i'm fucking angry. believe it or not, i used to be an idealist. i recall being 12 years old and finding myself in a state of moral outrage at some now-forgotten government action which, at the time, i considered to be completely anathema to the ideals which i had been brought up believing that this country stood for. my discontent sparked what would have been a letter to the local newspaper had it not mushroomed into something much larger while it was under construction. i started writing a book- my vision of ways in which america could improve and how to do it. i touched on topics ranging from abortion to taxation, and my mother grew tired of my daily requests for a ride to the library so that i could check out even more books. a year and 150 pages later, i found myself not even halfway finished and growing more and more overwhelmed. each new area that i examined fostered new questions, new directions for thought, new ideas which i had not previously considered. sadly, the book was never finished, and that change-the-world idealism took a back seat to more immediate and pragmatic concerns about the future - questions of high school, college, and beyond.

but as hard as i've tried over the years, i can't eliminate my inner idealist. i can tempt him with money, get him drunk on vodka so that he feels no pain, or try to obliterate him entirely with a heavy dose of cynicism, but like the cockroach that scurries out from under your shoe just when you think you've got a confirmed kill, he just won't go away. maybe it's time to stop trying to play whack-a-mole and let him out into the world instead.

and so, here i am, almost 18 years later, and i find myself full circle. i look around me and i see the direction that this country appears to be going and the ways in which the laws are changing, and i say to myself, "this is not my country. this is not the land of the free and the home of the brave, it's the land of the scared and the home of the surveillance camera." i'm tired of watching our civil rights gradually be eroded away so that the president can go chasing windmills. i'm tired of having to shake my head every time i turn on the news or load up CNN.com. i'm tired of watching business interests manipulate the legal system in ways that stifle innovation and creativity. but most of all, i'm tired of sitting on my ass watching it all unfold around me.

as a lower-middle-class adolescent, i was effectively powerless. today, as a technologist who has not yet reached the economic level of a bill gates or a larry ellison, i sit in my comfy chair writing endless lines of code faced with the stark reality that while age has given me a few more options for effecting positive change in the world, my avenues remain limited. people speak of a college degree as a key that opens doors to the future. by that standard, a law degree is a battering ram.

i believe that the ever-accelerating advance of technology and the so-called "war" on terror will be the two most important issues driving the evolution of jurisprudence during my lifetime, and i'm tired of leaving my future up to someone else, hoping that when i go to the ballot box or send a letter to my representatives that my voice is actually being heard. i want my country back.
Music: Funky Dragon - That's It
Mood: thoughtful

Date: 2005-07-27 17:33
Subject: when in doubt, sue!
http://www.cnn.com/2005/TECH/fun.games/07/27/game.lawsuit.ap/index.html

NEW YORK (AP) -- A woman upset that she bought the video game "Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas" for her 14-year-old grandson without knowing it contained hidden, sexually explicit scenes sued the manufacturer Wednesday on behalf of consumers nationwide.
...cut...
Cohen said in the suit that she bought the game in late 2004 for her grandson when it was rated "M" for mature, for players 17 and older. According to the suit, she directed that it be taken away from her grandson, which was done.
...cut...

....
let's see, the game was originally rated "M" - meaning it was suitable for ages 17 and older. this woman bought the game for her 14-year-old grandson. does anyone else see the problem here? she had no business buying the game for him in the first place!! and her attorney's argument, that no parent would knowingly buy an adults-only video game for their children - who the fuck cares? they shouldn't be buying rated-M games for their children, either. that's the whole point behind the rating system in the first place. this woman is suing the game manufacturer due to her own ineptitude.

i've never played any of the GTA games and probably never will, but i cannot, for the life of me, comprehend this uproar. it's my understanding that the only way to unlock the hidden scenes was via an unauthorized third-party modification. how, then, can anyone find the game company at fault? if anyone has to be sued, maybe rockstar games should claim DMCA violation and go after the developer that came up with the modification. (no, i am not advocating this.) i suppose an argument could be made that they were negligent and should've taken the content out before the game shipped, but you know, all kinds of products are used in ways not intended by their original manufacturer, and it seems completely ludicrous to me to attempt to blame someone for creating a product that is then modified by someone else and used in an unauthorized fashion. if i take a semi-automatic rifle and perform a modification to convert it to full auto so i can go columbine a local mall, who's at fault here? that's right, kids, i am. surely the gun maker knew that the weapon could be converted to full auto. so what?

oh, but wait, there's a simple reason for all of this. we have to investigate rockstar games and we have to relabel GTA - because, well, it's "FOR THE CHILDREN!"

you know what? fuck the children - and fuck their parents for a complete failure to exhibit basic comprehension of the concept of age-appropriate entertainment.
Mood: annoyed

Date: 2005-07-28 16:02
Subject: pigment update.
that's right, kids, my hair is purple again. this is what it looks like. (nope! -Ed.)
woo!