Blackbirds are Indestructible

LiveJournal Project - February 2003

Raven J. Blackbird -

Ah yes, the day I met the "shoulda took a lesson" kid...

Date: 2003-02-02 15:32
Subject: skiing and falling
on friday, _purpleglitter_ and i drove up to sunrise ski resort for a couple of days in the somewhat snow-less mountains and some skiing. she's been on skis since she was a little kid. me, well, this was to be my first time strapping a couple of pieces of wood or fiberglass or whatever the fuck they're made out of to my feet and attempting to make it down the mountain in one piece. and we've decided (at least at this first point) that rather than having me sign up for a ski lesson right away, she'd try to show me how to do stuff and then if i was having problems then i'd sign up for a lesson in the afternoon. yeah. so anyway, we get to the park on saturday morning and pick up our rental equipment, and already i'm off to a bad start as i find that the first pair of boots they gave me were too small for my calves. after swapping them out for a better pair, i'm out onto the snow and standing up on my skis without too much difficulty. however, as soon as i try to move forward, i fall on my ass and then have to figure out how to stand up with this shit strapped to my feet. weeee.

much pushing with poles and sliding around later, i make it to the chair lift that's going to take me to the top of the bunny hill. and at the top of the lift, i proceed to get off the chair and yet again, fall on my ass. i proceed to fall on my ass several more times, and each time i do so it becomes apparent that when it comes to skiing, the one thing that takes more energy than anything else is the process of falling down and then standing up again. the next hour and a half is filled with cory trying to show me how to walk sideways up a hill, the basic mechanics of "make a snowplow" so that you can stop, and three runs down the bunny hill, two on my ass and one on my face. the frustration is mounting, my feet are killing me in the boots, and i'm about ready to say "fuck that noise, i'm going back to the hotel to sleep." so we take a break from all this chaos, and cory goes off to do some real skiiing while i figure out what the hell i'm going to do next - it's been strongly suggested to me that i take a lesson or just give up, lest i become frustrated and hate skiing before i ever learn how.

so as i'm considering it, i decide that i'm going to give this shit one more try. i get on the chairlift, go up the bunny hill, and miraculously i manage to get off the chair without falling over. this is a good omen. and down the hill we go... this time i make it about 3/4 of the way, going at a pretty good speed (since i really don't know how to turn and haven't had much success with slowing down) before i bail and lose a ski. ho! i'm making progress, and thus encouraged by this, i try it again, make it all the way down the hill, slow down and get back in the line again without falling over. and there was much rejoicing among the peoples of the kingdom. it wasn't a fluke, either - two more successful runs down the hill with no ass-to-snow contact, and now i'm actually starting to think i know what i'm doing, even though i still don't really know how to turn unless i absolutely have to (i.e., i'm about to hit something).

so cory and i meet up again and hang out for a bit, and then part ways for another hour while she goes off to ski the real trails and i'm hangin' at the bunny hill. after sucessfully doing it a few more times, i decide that i'm going to try something else, and take a different lift halfway up the mountain where the real trails start. i asked one of the ski instructors what was the easiest one, so i figure i'll give it a shot. oh boy. i guess i didn't really know what i was signing up for, because although i'd picked a green trail to go down, it was a hell of a lot more than just one step up from the bunny trail. it took me longer to go down the mountain than it did to go up in the chair lift, i bailed so many times. at one point i came down hard on my ass and left my poles 20 feet behind me. another point i fell at a turnoff point to a black run, so as i'm trying to get up i'm hoping that i don't push myself in the wrong direction and go down a run that most likely would've led to either a big snowball coming down the mountain with me in the center or a lot of broken bones and angst. more than one person asked me if i was ok at various points, too, as i sat there on the ground staring up at the sky. hell, i even had some little kid tell me that i should've taken a lesson. fuckin' smart-ass. anyway, i finally got to the last stretch, where i knew where i was, where i was going, and could even see the base of the mountain - and i'd have been able to make it the rest of the way down in the fully vertical orientation had it not been for some girl that was crossing my path as i went into the last turn. in order to avoid hitting her, i had to pull a turn that i wasn't going to be able to recover from (not with my lack of turning skills) and flopped right on my stomach. weee! so i got up, finished the run, and that spelled the end of my skiing day.

by the time we got back to the hotel, i was freezing cold, felt like absolute shit (like someone had just given me a royal beatdown), and just wanted to take a hot shower and climb into bed and sleep it off. the struggle to make it to dinner last night was a titanic one. woke up today, drove home, and happily i don't have much in the way of soreness, although i do think i managed to catch a cold and i've got snowburn on my face.

overall, i'm glad i didn't give up when i was supremely frustrated, because once i started to figure shit out, it became a lot of fun. i made it down the bunny trail in one piece, and although i also tried to ski a run that i really had no business being on, i managed to survive that one without any unpleasant consequences other than a sore ass. fun stuff. now i need to learn the wonderful art of speed control. and maybe knowing how to turn when it's not an emergency situation would be helpful as well.

one other random observation... snowboarder girls are damn fine.

a few pictures are available here:

Editor's note - I have no fucking idea what I am doing in this picture, can't you tell? Oh, and what idiot goes skiing for the first time in baggy-ass raver jeans? Right. This one...

Date: 2003-02-03 05:24
Subject: dreaming lucidity
last night i had another lucid dream - unfortunately, i don't remember a whole lot of it - hell, i didn't even remember most of it when i woke up from it, but i knew that i'd been dreaming and that i'd been in control of the dream and fucking around with the dreamspace for what seemed like quite awhile. i remember that somewhere at the beginning of the dream, it started to turn into something unpleasant so i tried to wake myself up from it by wiggling around and thrashing violently (in the dream), but that didn't work, but instead of getting freaked out i remember thinking something like "ok, i guess i'm stuck in a dream." how bizarre. the funny thing is, i can remember more of the dream from the pre-lucid parts - like i remember getting busted by customs for participating in the international narcotics trade, and then while i'm in the waiting area and they're going through my stuff, i'm watching the news on television and seeing shrubya doing some sort of national address in which he says that he's going to offer osama bin laden a couple of nuclear weapons in exchange for a non-aggression treaty. i think that it was at about this point that i realized something was really, really wrong with the world and that it had to be some kind of dream. after that it became sort of a blur, but i remember thinking that i'd woken up from the dream and was lying there in bed, but i couldn't actually get out of bed - i'd woke up from the twisted reality dream into the boring-reality dream of being stuck in bed, staring at the ceiling. and that's when things started to get strange - all i remember was messing around with body-morphing. add a part here, make that part smaller, this part bigger, like i was made of some sort of weird flesh-clay that i could move around at will or manipulate just by thinking about it. nifty stuff. too bad i don't remember the rest of it. and i didn't even have any oreos before bed. =)

Time: 15:56
Subject: fucking pool people
ya know, i've come to the conclusion that the shadiest people in arizona all work for pool service companies. not pool builders, because i haven't had any bad experiences with them (actually, i've had no experiences with them), but those companies that offer to come out and check your chemicals and clean your filters and all that sort of thing. i noticed this morning that the pool cleaner thingy was moving really slowly across the bottom, as if something was clogging it up, but i didn't do anything about it because i knew it was monday and the pool guy would be showing up late morning and most likely, if there was something clogged, he'd fix it (since that's why i pay their asses) and that'd be the end of it. so i headed out to the office and the grocery store and ran my errands for the day, and upon returning home, i looked out the window and indeed, the pool guy had been there (because those are the only days that the crawler is running in the afternoon) but guess what? it was still prodding along like a fucking snail. obviously, this situation is going to require my intervention. i went outside, cleaned up some of the leaves that were floating in the top of the pool, shut off the pump, and grabbed the crawler hose. ok, one leaf stuck in there. no big deal, right? well, sure, if that would've been the root of the problem. after taking the leaf out and turning the pump back on, there was no change.

what the hell? i head over to look at the pump, and it seems that there's only a small amount of vaccuum pressure being generated, so i shut it off again and unscrew the top of the filter assembly to check the basket. and hey, guess what? IT'S FULL OF LEAVES N' SHIT! the damn thing looks like it hasn't been emptied out in at least a month, if not longer, and it damn sure wasn't emptied out this morning like it was supposed to be. what the hell am i paying these assholes $50/month for? it specifically says on the invoice i get every month "filter service". i wonder what else those morons are supposed to be doing that they aren't doing - it's not like it's a fuckin' complicated project - check the chemicals, add if necessary, backwash and clean the filters. fuckin' christ.

and you know, when i call them to bitch, i bet i know exactly what they're going to say. they're going to say that they couldn't get the cover off the filter assembly because it's screwed on too tightly. hello? morons? of course it's screwed on tightly, that's to keep the seal intact. when you want to take it off you have to hit it with a hammer to loosen it a little. doesn't anybody know anything?!
Mood: annoyed

Date: 2003-02-04 14:19
Subject: ski or die, part two...
ok, so here's the deal (maybe):

_purpleglitter_ and i have two leftover lift tickets for sunrise that we didn't use last weekend that we need to use by the end of the ski season - because, well, allowing lift tickets to go to waste would be truly uncool. they don't have a lot of snow up there, and they're probably not going to be getting any more in the forseeable future, so these said lift tickets need to be used up pretty quickly. so right now we're thinking about heading back up there this coming weekend for another fun adventure. it hasn't been firmly decided one way or the other at this point, it's just something that we briefly kicked around. so the question to all of you is... would anyone else be interested in going? we'd probably do something similar to what we did last time - drive up on friday afternoon / evening, ski on saturday, and then depending on how we feel (i.e., how sore my ass is from all the falling) come back sunday or maybe even ski another day. note that the word "ski" also includes the word "snowboard" for people who would rather have one piece of stuff strapped to their feet as opposed to two.

anyone? thoughts?
Music: Logic Bomb - Herr Ubermann

Date: 2003-02-05 11:51
Subject: you gotta click, it's funny.
lifted from jcurious:
http://liberatorshapes.com/products_shapes.php
i can't help but be curious as to the effectiveness....
Mood: mischievous

Date: 2003-02-06 11:08
Subject: saw this as someone's user icon...
"drop acid, not bombs"
Music: Move - Move Super Tune Best Selection

Time: 14:00
Subject: ever notice
how when you're trying your hardest not to think about something, all you see or hear wherever you go is something related to that which you're supposed to be not thinking about, thus making you think about that particular whatever-it-is even more than you would normally?

Date: 2003-02-07 15:08
Subject: even the geezers are doing it.
Couple in retirement community accused of running meth lab
http://www.azcentral.com/news/articles/0207leisuremeth-ON.html

i don't know what's funnier about this story, the fact that they found a meth lab in a retirement community, or that a 44-year-old guy was so desperate for pussy that he was dating a 71-year-old woman. crusty. eeew.

Time: 16:38
Subject: resonance?
this is going to be a rambler. so y'all might want to skip it or just take a seat and hold on.

anyway, on we go... my life over the last 10-12 years has been a rather constant struggle between science and magick - no, not magick of the david copperfield kind, but more of the pagan variety. on one hand, being of a scientific bent all my life, studying things like math and physics and the various other deterministic arts of the world, i've managed to get myself into a mindset of "prove it!" when it comes to things of a magickal/spiritual nature. and as a result, what ends up happening is that as the logical, rational, materialistic (in the sense of the physical world, not in the sense of buying lots of stuff) side of me ponders the world, the magickal, spiritual side gets pushed farther and farther down, and mr. logic says "i demand proof!" in order to allow the other side any daylight. a further result of this is that i end up discounting a lot of things which i know damn well (i ain't old, my memory works just fine) that i've seen or experienced as the result of some sort of "rational" phenomenon that i can readily explain, whether it be something obvious like "yeah, well, that didn't really happen because i was high at the time i and i was just seeing things - drugs do that to people, ya know" or something a little more subtle that the rational mind creates such as "well, it was really just due to the power of suggestion and you were involved in an experience of guided hypnosis and you saw exactly what you were supposed to see."

and most of the time, of late, i accept these rational explanations and distance myself from anything that can't be scientifically proven. after all, i say to myself, if i (or a couple of people close by me) am the only one with these thoughts or experiences or whatever, then they can't possibly be REAL, right? but then things happen which would seem to suggest that these are not just isolated pockets of insanity or drug-induced visions on my part, and mr. rationality doesn't know what to make of them. the best example i can give is the act of encountering other people who i've obviously never had any contact with, whether real, virtual, or imaginary, who not only share some similar views about the nature of the universe and reality, but, more importantly, have the same sense of what's going on and things that are to come. is this merely the collective unconscious, with people around the world tapping in and getting a similar idea? or is there more to it - is there a reason (that mr. rationality won't accept) that i keep encountering pockets of people who all have very similar beliefs as to what the future holds as i (my spiritual and magickal side) do?

what is real? what is merely imagined? is the imagined just as real as the real, but in a different space?

i saw some things today, well, more accurately, i read some things today, which hit that resonating point that i mentioned in the above paragraph - things which touched on a common thread that's been present in the beliefs and outlooks of several people i've known and been close to over the years at different times and in different places that would have had absolutely no contact with one another. what does it mean? does it mean anything? this is where the battle between science and spirituality begins again - part of me says "yes, by buddha, it means something, and you know damn well what it means" and the other part says "nah, probably isn't anything to be concerned about." but that little voice of magick seems to be getting emboldened.

strange happenings are afoot in the land of ravyn.
Mood: weird

Time: 17:44
Subject: this deserves a reprint.
lifted from antiwar
.....

*** IMPEACH BUSH *** ... Right Now!!! See Below...

Hopefully it is okay to post this here in consideration that BUSH is for WAR. Thanks.

This is your chance to vote for the impeachment of Bush, Cheney,Ashcroft and Rumsfeld. The articles of impeachment have been drawn up by former Attorney General Ramsey Clark and the petition will be presented to the Judiciary Committee.

Go to http://www.votetoimpeach.org and cast your vote. Votes cast in this campaign will be hand delivered to the Chair of the House Judiciary Committee, and to the ranking Democrat on the Committee.

Pass it on.
Well, we know how well that worked out. Funny that the current President is far more impeachable and he's still there, too. -Ed.

Date: 2003-02-09 17:04
Subject: gravity:1, ravyn:0
faced with the prospect of not knowing what to do this weekend, at the last minute _purpleglitter_ and i decided to make another run up north to the land of snow and ski, but this time with the intent to try our luck at snowboarding. she'd done it once before, and as this was only my second foray into the wide world of winter sports, it was to be my first time. the weather forecast had snow written all over it, so it looked to be a promising weekend of fun and mayhem. waking up saturday morning we found that the snow was indeed making itself known, a nice layer of that evil white stuff all over the ground, and probably the first time my car's ever been covered in it. so we drove out to the slopes, rented our equipment and signed up for a snowboarding lesson. things started well enough; although there was much falling on arse to be done, my previous day's purchase of a pair of ski pants kept my bum warm and dry, and it seemed like i was slowly starting to figure out the mechanics of maintaining the proper orientation (i.e. vertical) while going down the hill. yeah. and then i faced the snow's revenge. on my third time down the bunny hill, during which i was practicing something called a "J-turn", my snowboard decided to get a little bit better acquainted with the snow, catching an edge and flipping me over onto my well-padded ass, but not before i heard and felt a loud "pop!" in my left ankle. not broken, thankfully, but quite twisted and definitely not happy. and that, unfortunately, spelled the end of my snowboarding experience. _purpleglitter_ went on to finish the lesson and picked up the basic mechanics of turning and stopping, those rather useful abilities that everyone should acquire, and now she's ready to do it again. hell, i'm ready to do it again, once my shit heals. anyway, we cut our day on the slopes short and drove back to the hotel, got in a bit of a snow fight, and watched the white stuff come raining down from the sky for more or less the rest of the day. we went outside and watched the road below the hotel in hopes that we might see some inexperienced winter drivers in a multi-car pileup, but that didn't happen, and then we contemplated the likelihood of getting snowed in and being unable to drive home. luckily, the snow stopped, the plows did their jobs, and the sun came out to melt some of the nastiness away, and we made it home in one piece a little while ago.

and now, some observations...

  • there's just something not right about the sunrise park hotel, which is the only hotel within 20 miles of the actual ski area. we drove up on friday night, and although i was tired, i couldn't sleep - AT ALL. and then saturday night, i was (obviously) even more tired, but managed only 4 hours of sleep. this is an exact repeat of what happened to me last weekend. for someone who likes to sleep whenever possible, this just shouldn't happen. cory noted the same thing, that it seems like the hotel just sucks the energy out of you. i dunno, weird...
  • talking over dinner on saturday night, i've come up with some ideas to modify the design of a snowboard to make it easier to get up (for beginners) and also possibly adding some finer braking control for the more advanced boarder. so now my mission is to think about whether or not this would actually work, sketch out some ideas, and then figure out how to build my little techno-add-ons. i don't want to go into the snowboard design business, but if technology can help keep my ass out of the snow, i'm all for it.
  • i wasn't too impressed with the snowboard instructor, who had us up on the mountain after only about 5 minutes of preliminary instruction in how to get on the snowboard and skate along on a flat surface. this was the same dude who came over to me after my happy little fall (referenced above) and said that i should just sit down for a bit, walk it off, and then get back up there and try it again. hello? mcfly? this isn't the fucking super bowl, where we play through pain - this is my ankle, it hurts, and there's no way in hell i'm going to be able to do anything else today. i'll try it again in a couple weeks when my shit heals.
  • i seem to have a penchant for picking hobbies which will inevitably cause me great pain. i study kung fu, i get beat up. i go to the gym, my muscles hurt. i try to ski, i fall on my ass. i try to snowboard, i twist my ankle. what's up with that? maybe i should take up something a little less dangerous, like knitting? oh, wait, then i'd probably poke my eye out. =P

so anyway, that's my weekend in review. i think i've reached a certain point of annoyance with the ideas of skiing and snowboarding - you know, like when you're playing a video game and you just can't get past a certain point, and it pisses you off and provides that sense of determination - i'll pass this level if it kills me! that's how i'm feeling about winter sports that require planks strapped to my feet. i will figure this shit out, i will get down the hill, and hopefully i won't die in the process. =)

anyway, some pics are here:

Ed: Yes, I really did capture that blackbird in flight. And yes, most of the time I am flipping off the camera.

Date: 2003-02-10 12:36
Subject: more reprints.
i saw this in a di.fm forum thread.

"That is not trance, it's pop music. There have just been a couple of very smart producers who saw real trance music was popular, took a few elements from it and put it in cheesy pop hits. Something like DJ Sammy 'Heaven' is electronic pop music and it's made for a whole different reason to why trance producers make music.
"Does it bother me? Yes, it does. It's a short-sighted thing, they're sucking everything out of the music to make a quick buck and it ruins the sound. When there are people who are making trance for the sheer love of the music, it bothers me that people think so lightly of it. These people put out a cheesy record and sterotype people all over the world who are into trance as liking cheesy music." --- Ferry Corsten, DJ Magazine no29/vol3 29 nov - 12 dec 02

Time: 12:51
Subject: eh
today is one of those days where something just doesn't seem right with the world, but yet i can't put my finger on the problem.

Date: 2003-02-11 12:09
Subject: i'm such a follower... stolen from xianaz from spacekadette
You: ravyn
Middle name: William
Last place you traveled: Sunrise, AZ (last weekend) - out of state, Las Vegas! blackjack, wee!
Eye Color: blue
Height: 5'11"
Zodiac Sign: virgo

Describe:
Your heritage: euro-mutt: polish, italian, czech, welsh, scottish, and irish
The shoes you wore today: black new balance cross-trainers
Your hair: blackish and copper at the moment
Your weakness: chocolate peanut butter cookie dough cheesecake, nifty techno-gadgets
Your fears: a slow, painful death
Your perfect pizza: sausage, pepperoni, mushroom, onion, a little green pepper - thick crust, not too soft, not too crispy, good sauce. i am a pizza snob.
One thing you'd like to achieve: to do something that's never been done before. that one original idea, a la John Nash.

What is:
Your most overused phrase on AIM: =/
Your thoughts first waking up: do i have to get out of bed right now?
Your current worry: what i'm supposed to be doing this weekend but really don't feel good about
Your plans tomorrow: dinner with friends
Your best physical feature: eyes, or so they tell me.
Your bedtime: around midnight, if i'm on normal time
Your greatest accomplishment: i dunno, i haven't done anything i feel is all that spectacular

Do you:
Cuss: fuck no! =)
Do you think you've been in love: yes, unfortunately.
Want to get married: been there, done that. don't think i'm going to do it again.
type w/ your fingers on the right keys: somewhat
Like to take baths: not really, unless it's a large tub being shared with someone of the female persuasion.
Get motion sickness: no
Masturbate: yeah, it's a good stress-reliever
Like talking on the phone: not really, i prefer in-person or email.
Like thunderstorms: hell yeah.
Play an instrument: keyboard, but i'm just a dabbler
Workout: yeah, but i eat a lot of junk so you wouldn't be able to tell.
Like reading: yes, if the books are good. recommendations welcome

Favorite:
Body part: my middle finger, which i use ever-so-frequently.
Kind of fruit: bananas
Music to fall asleep to: i don't usually fall asleep to music
Time of the day: nighttime, after rush hour but before everything closes.
Feature of the opposite sex: b00bs! =) couldn't help myself, had to say it.
Car: i could go for a mercedes sl500amg, or maybe that new infiniti fx45. a ferrari enzo would be on that list, too
Number: 7, 13
Thing to do right before bed: feed the cats
Thing to say when you're mad: fuckin' christ!
Era: 500 years ago or 500 years from now, either one would fit me better than this.
Horror movie: don't really like horror movies, they don't scare me.
Colors: black, blue, purple and green, but not necessarily in that order.
Fuck: no comment.

The future:
Age you hope to be married: like i said, been there, done that. not again.
Numbers and Names of Children: 0.
Describe your Dream Wedding: the one that doesn't happen.
How do you want to die: before i get old and decrepit - doing something fun and stupid and with a quick exit.
Where you want to go to college: been there, done that, too. maybe i'll even graduate someday.
What do you want to be when you grow up: alive
What country would you most like to visit: new zealand, australia, japan (who says i have to pick only one?)

Opposite sex:
Best eye color: don't care
Best hair color: don't care, but something funky is always nice, like purple or blue.
Short or long hair: depends on the person, but generally long hair.
Best personality trait: somebody who won't fuck me over. that's #1. then we go for all the standard stuff.
Best height: 5'7" and above. tall chicks are cool.
Best weight: my only rule is that she must weigh less than me.
Best articles of clothing: on another person? whatever shows off the goods the best.
Best first date location: wherever.
Best first kiss location: wherever you get it.

Finish:
I eat: a lot of junk food. fuck you, ronald mcdonald!
I think: far, far too much.
I am: more confusing the better you get to know me.
I loathe: stupid people.
I adore: my friends, family, and cats.
I suck at: drawing
I am obsessed with: life
I can: do whatever i set my mind to, provided that i actually set my mind to it.
I can't wait: for this survey to be over.
I am annoyed with: far too many things to list.
I miss: the years i've wasted due to poor decisions.

Date: 2003-02-12 14:38
Subject: awareness weeks, history months, etc, etc...
so this month is black history month, and i guess here at asu it's also aids awareness week. over the course of the year, there are all kinds of weeks and months and days set aside so that we're supposed to take a little extra time and think about whatever the topic du jour is. to that, i say "fuck that noise." i think it's absolutely asinine. if one cares about black history, then one should not need to have a month set aside for it, one should study it as an integral part of whatever one is interested in. aids awareness week? bullshit. whenever you're out there fucking someone you've just met, condom or not, you should be aware that you might stick your dick (or be stuck by a dick) somewhere that it might not want to go that might eventually lead to your untimely demise. same thing with breast cancer awareness whatever (i think it was last month, or earlier this month, or whenever those pink ribbons were being displayed). if you've got boobs, you need to keep a watchful eye on them, not just give them a prod once a year when the gods of awareness tell you that the time is right.

yet it seems that various "awareness" times are popping up all over. are we so bloody stupid that we can't keep track of what's important in our lives and what isn't that we have to be reminded by the calendar gods?

edit: yeah, there's more, on the subject of black history month. rodney king says, "can't we all just get along," but then we go and insist on having artificial, divisive creations that further isolate one group from another. if we're going to study history, then let's study history - ALL OF IT. and then you have the black folks that decide to celebrate black history month by wearing some sort of traditional african dress, or some sort of piece of african jewelry. but you know, i bet half those people couldn't tell you what part of africa their ancestors came from, or even if they came from africa at all, or even tell you the first thing about black history aside from the standard tidbits about martin luther king, george washington carver, and malcom x that we all learn in school.

and an off-the-record quote from someone who will remain nameless: "i'm sick of black history month. i mean, i don't think there's that much "new" black history that i need to spend a whole month each year learning it... i got up to speed in grade school, i follow the news, what the hell is the point? either it's based on the assumption that i forget all of black history every year, or that there is so much black history each year that i need to spend a whole month learning what happened last year."

Time: 15:23
Subject: y'all need to read this.
http://www.infowars.com/print_patriotact2_analysis.htm
if you thought the .gov had been doing some scary shit lately, you ain't seen nothin' yet.

Time: 16:14
Subject: sssh... top sekrit info inside!! read me!
hey everyone (who can see this)...

as y'all know (or might not know but do now) scott n' lisa both have birthdays in february. scott's is on the 12th, lisa's is on the 23rd... so i think we should all go out to dinner to celebrate their aged-ness and get them drunk on sake bombers. i can't do it this weekend because i'm going to be out of the country, so what do y'all think about a surprise outing for them next weekend -- maybe next saturday night, the 22nd? (scott's spinning at a party on the 21st, so that might not be the best day for drunken mayhem).

post comments and such here -- and pass the info on to anyone that you think might be interested -- but keep it on the DL. =) you can email me at ...this-email-no-longer-exists..., too.
Mood: devious

Date: 2002-02-14 01:42
Subject: mayhem
there's a lot i could say right now, a lot on my mind. but i wouldn't even know where to begin. so i guess i'll just say thanks to my friends mike, ben, and cory for making what has really been one of the most miserable days i've had in a long time a lot better.
Mood: melancholy

Time: 15:40
Subject: wondrous wondering?
sometimes, when we do things against our better judgement, it blows up in our faces and we're left with a little voice inside our heads that says "heh, you stupid fuck, i told you so." and other times, it all works out extremely well and we're rewarded for taking a moment to abandon logic and reason and just say "what the fuck!" i wonder which of the two this will turn out to be.
Mood: curious

Date: 2002-02-18 14:50
Subject: what should i do with my life?
no, this isn't a plea for career guidance, but the title of a book that i've been reading and just finished over the weekend. it's basically a collection of short chapters about different people that the author met over the course of writing the book: their stories, decisions, and thoughts, as well as some commentary and input from the author. and i think i'd recommend the book to almost everyone i know, at least everyone who's asking those standard questions that people our age tend to ask ourselves - what the hell do i want to be doing? where do i want to go? what should i do here, what should i do there, blah blah blah - you know the drill, most likely, if you're reading this. anyway, two things in particular that i'd like to comment on.

  • it amazed me how similar the thoughts and emotions were of the 60-or-so people profiled in the book. many of these folks had dealt with questions very similar to those that i've asked myself (and in very similar situations) or questions that i've discussed or seen discussed among friends. and it got me thinking that we (all of humanity, or at least all of humanity in the western world) aren't all that different from each other. maybe this seems like a rather self-evident statement, but it isn't. think about how many times we (well, me, anyway, but i've been told "you just don't understand!" enough times to know that i'm not the only person that does this) sit there and we think about our lives and our problems and get into that gothic-angsty pattern of "woe is me, nobody else has problems like me, nobody understands what i'm thinking or what i'm feeling or what i'm going through!" guess what? it's not true. maybe we don't talk to the right people, or maybe we don't say the right things when we do talk, but we're not as alone in our struggle for whatever (whatever it is we happen to be struggling for or against at the moment) as we think we are. and the other people who are going through issues aren't as different from us as we might like to think they are. yeah, you heard correctly, there might actually be a hint of newfound compassion for my fellow man to be found somewhere in that hard-ass persona. my god, what's happening to me? =/ i've already exceeded my quota for random acts of kindness for the month of february - might i actually turn into someone who genuinely gives a shit??? can't let that happen. smirk

  • i don't know how much these quotes will have meaning for anyone else, but given the way my life is these days, i thought they fit extremely well and are worth including.

Do not wait for the kind of clarity that comes with epiphanies. In the nine hundred plus stories I heard in my research, almost nobody was struck with an epiphany. It was one of my biggest surprises. Most people had a slim notion or a slight urge that htey slowly nurtured until it grew into a faint hope which barely stayed alive for years until it could mature into a vision. Most people feel guilty about wanting what they want, and they feel foolish for wanting something impossible, and those censoring voices will bark like a pack of junkyard dogs, night after night. Don't doubt your desire because it comes to you as a whisper; don't think, "If it were really important to me, I'd feel clearer about this, less conflicted." My research didn't show that to be true. The things we really want to do are usually the ones that scare us the most. The things you'll not feel conflicted about are the choices that leave no one hurt.

-and-

I'm not advocating giving up your day jobs to chase pipe dreams. But don't put your dreams in lockboxes, and don't invest years of your life in a day job for the wad you expect to have at the end. Believe in that myth at your own peril.

that last one's rather fitting, since i've been talking about the whole "bust my ass, make a lot of money, and retire by the time i'm 30" deal for the last two or three years. i guess the only difference between me and that quote is that i haven't put my dreams in a lockbox, because i don't have any. or, maybe i do, as the first quote would suggest, but they're not screaming at me loudly enough for me to consider them.

-less philosophical weekend update to follow in another post-

Date: 2003-02-19 01:12
Subject: george w. bush is a shit-for-brains pigfucker
this is from an article on azcentral.com regarding shrubya's reaction to the anti-war protests:

As for the protests around the world by millions of people opposed to war with Iraq, Bush said they were irrelevant to his duty to protect America.
"Size of protest, it's like deciding, 'Well I'm going to decide policy based up on a focus group.' The role of a leader is to decide policy based upon the security - in this case - security of the people," he said.

does anyone else see what's wrong with this picture? what bush is basically saying is that he doesn't really give a shit what anyone thinks, even what his own people think, and that he's going to do whatever the fuck he damn well pleases. and what's more, you can bet your ass that if the protesters were demonstrating a position on an issue that little shrub agrees with, he'd be out there expressing his solidarity with them and talking shit about how he'd try to get their agenda passed (i.e., abortion).

Date: 2003-02-22 06:04
Subject: blah.
what a fucked-up evening. when someone asks you why you're pissed off and/or upset and you explain it, but that person doesn't accept or believe your explanation, what else are you supposed to say?

Date: 2003-02-23 01:33
Subject: fun and mayhem, oh my!
so tonight we (katryn, _purpleglitter_, az_r2d1, mike, ben, and yours truly) went out to celebrate the aging of djskott and lilredravingurl. first to kona grill for some sushi madness. i got _purpleglitter_ to try a piece of a vegas roll, and she didn't care for it at all - but the look of sheer disgust on her face was absolutely priceless. lilredravingurl drank too many sake bombers and appeared as if she was going to pass out at the table, but she managed to maintain coherence long enough to get outside the restaurant and then puke into the trash can at the mall entrance. yeah! drinkin' til ya puke! that's hardcore! =) it took us about 20 minutes of just fucking around outside the mall to decide that our next stop was going to be cosmic bowling. we hung out there for about 3 hours, and i proceeded to suck ass throughout the whole experience, trying every different style of bowling known to man, except for the correct one. i made three or four strikes and a lot of zeroes. and for whatever reason, the computer kept giving me spares on frames when i'd only knocked down one or two pins. i guess it was taking pity on me for sucking so much. oh yeah, my ankle's fucked up again (not that it ever actually had a chance to heal from the snowboarding incident) so i think next week i'm going to go see the doctor. can't be a kung fu master on only one leg.

all in all, a great evening. hell, it's always a good time when someone barfs. =)
Mood: bouncy

Time: 05:00
Subject: poo! on armageddon.
-crossposted in my own journal and in pooonarmageddon

it's been at least a year, i think, since i last touched my tarot decks; i've been meaning to, since the reading posted here last week (i think) by deliriumcrow, start using them again, both to bring back my skills as well as to hope to shed some light on the current state of affairs. after thinking about it each night during the last few days and not actually doing anything, tonight i finally pulled out my decks and asked for some input.

decks used... vertigo (primary) and voyager (secondary).

anyway... my goal was to try to get a sense of both the physical happenings as well as the spiritual, and some of what came out made a lot of sense, and some of it didn't make sense at all. and i found that as i went over the cards, the parts which made the most sense were the parts that i found the hardest to put words to; as if i KNEW what was being said, but couldn't SAY it, if that makes any sense.

so we'll do this in two parts: first, what's in store for the physical realm.

the general sense of the reading is that war is on its way. this wouldn't be too hard to discern from reading the news and watching tv, but i think that it's going to be worse than our dear leaders imagine. however, i also don't feel that it's going to be of a catastrophic, end-of-the-world-as-we-know-it-and-i-feel-fine nature. so in more specific terms, we're not all going to die as north korea and saddam join forces to lob a missile or three over here, and i don't expect a region-wide conflict to break out. instead it'll be a slow, festering process; outbreaks of violence here, terrorist strikes there, a gradually-increasing set of reprisals.

also, they're (the powers that be) missing something - as if all the pieces have been lined up but one of them has been left out, and in looking at it further, the thing that's been left out appears to be, well, the name of the card itself - temperance. what all of this adds up to, in my interpretation, is that the whole war "thing" has taken on a life of its own, to the point where there's no viable way out of it for either side even if they wanted out. remember the cuban missile crisis, ultimately solved via back-channel communications which allowed the situation to be defused without either side losing face? neither side really wanted war, but they had pushed their mutual brinksmanship so far that publically backing down simply wasn't an option. and that, i think, is what we've got here. the only difference is that there doesn't seem to be that avenue of back-channel communication. curious, i went further, looking to see if there would be any way to avoid mass bloodshed, and parts of this section didn't make sense. the cards which came up were the high priestess and the ace of worlds (which i believe is the ace of pentacles in a more traditional deck). it didn't make sense because i got the feeling that there would be some sort of strong female character involved in the process, but as i run through the list of known world leaders that are female, i couldn't think of anyone that would fit. the only prominent female that's at all involved in this situation that i'm aware of is condoleeza rice, and somehow i can't imagine that she'd be of the mind to tell shrubya that war isn't the answer. that being said, i also got the impression that if war in this world is to be avoided, there's only one real shot at it and everything has to work out properly.

anyway, one of my cats is now sleeping on the other half of the reading, and i don't know if he's doing this because he's tired or he has some input, but from the spritual side, the cards suggest that the war has already started. much of this part of the reading also fit under what i said earlier, where i felt like i knew what was being said but couldn't really wrap words around it. but although it feels that the war has already begun, it doesn't seem that escalation and spread is automatic. but something (entity?) which had been contained is now in the process (not completed, though) of removing those constraints, coming out of its cell or cage or cave or box or whatever, and if it does manage to get out, the shit is going to hit the fan. and in order to keep that from happening, there's going to be a need for, for lack of better words, some serious mojo. i don't know how better to put it than that - there needs to be sharing of information, sharing of techniques, development of new techniques and resurrection of old, forgotten skills. and most importantly, alliances between groups and individuals which traditionally haven't seen eye-to-eye. the final card which came up in the "how to keep the shit from hitting the fan" section was the eight of cups (probably insignificant aside here: there is a large "E" on this card in the lower-left corner - which, for those of you who don't know, happens to be my first initial - whether or not this is a message specifically to me that i need to get off my ass or just an irrelevant coincidence, i don't know) in the vertigo deck, which i have a bitch of a time interpreting, and since i don't have the book anywhere near by, i'll have to leave that as an exercise for the reader.

that's it. maybe some of this will cause an idea bulb to turn on for somebody, or maybe not. after all, as i said, it's been a long time since the cards and i have chatted. we should do so more often. 5am, time to sleep.
Mood: contemplative

Date: 2003-02-24 13:16
Subject: fun and excitement
it's going to be one of those weeks, but not quite one of THOSE weeks. i.e., at least my cat had the courtesy to wait until i got home before deciding to yak all over the carpet, so i had a chance to clean it up while it was still warm and fresh, as opposed to dried and crusty.

Date: 2003-02-25 02:21
Subject: weird, strange, sick, twisted, eerie godless evil stuff!
well, not really. but anyway, tonight in my infinite boredom and unwillingness to work i watched the subtitled version of a japanese movie called "parasite eve" - yes, there is a PS/2 game of the same title, but it appears that the movie actually came out first, and now as i look on the net i see that there was actually a book which started it all. anyway, i'm not usually one to cry at movies (the last time i cried over a movie was when i was a kid and yoda died in return of the jedi - how sappy is that?), but the end of this one was actually quite moving (i dunno, i thought it was, maybe anyone else that's seen it would think i'm weird). you'd have to see the movie to understand, i think, but i imagine that i was really hit by the whole deep emotional connection aspect of the movie - knowing that at a couple of points in my life i've had it, but being so emotionally fucked up these days that i can't remember what it feels like or believing that it ever existed, even though i know that it did. watching the end of that movie brought back some memories.
Music: E-Logic: The Gate
Mood: nostalgic

Date: 2003-02-28 08:28
Subject: the holocaust is in your ass, man!
in debate and also on cnn this morning, i learned about a new PETA campaign against the eating of meat which basically compares animals in slaughterhouses to holocaust victims during world war II.

these people need to get their heads out of their asses and go have a hamburger. are millions of animals killed in the united states in slaughterhouses, just like millions of people were killed during WW2? sure. but you know what, we EAT animals. it's called FOOD. trying to suggest some sort of moral equivalence between the actions of a dictator bent on world domination (who, ironically, was a vegetarian -- perhaps one might wonder if his lack of good bratwurst contributed to his mental instability and genocidal desires) and the extermination of a certain kind of person simply because he didn't like them and the day-to-day commercial processing of food animals is, well, absolutely recockulous. we aren't trying to exterminate all the pigs. we don't believe that cattle are the root of all the evil in the world and thus they must be rounded up and systematically gassed.

here's a quote from their website (http://www.masskilling.com) devoted to this asinine tripe:
"Nobel Prize-winning author Isaac Bashevis Singer first noted the disturbing similarity between the treatment of Jews during the Holocaust and that of animals raised for food when he noticed that the techniques of mass slaughter developed for use on animals had also been used on human beings. In several of his stories, he draws an analogy between the slaughter of animals and the slaughter of Jews at the hands of Nazis. Having realized that all oppression stems from the same branch, Singer became a vegetarian. He understood that the quality of mercy is not -must not be- limited and that people cannot talk about peace with their mouths full of the victims of violence. If we are revolted by comparisons between the plight of animals and the plight of human victims of oppression, it can only be because we are not yet prepared to accept our own role in the animals’ fate."

this is one of the most inane things i've heard in a long time. do the tree-hugging dreadlocked birkenstock-wearing hippies of PETA really think that the american public is so godawfully stupid that they don't know where meat comes from? i realize that on the whole we're not a nation of einsteins, but fuckin' christ! i go to the store, i buy some steak. i know it came from a cow somewhere that was fattened up, went to a slaughterhouse and was chopped up into little pieces and packaged and then sent on its way, solely for the purpose of being yummy in my tummy. and you know what? i don't fucking care! i LIKE beef and chicken and all that other meat-like stuff and i'm not ashamed to admit it. i bet these PETA freaks don't get all teary-eyed over the poor, defenseless carrots, tomatoes and cabbages that were subjected to chemical and biological warfare, covered in bugs and pesticides, and then ripped violently out of the ground and torn away from their fruit and vegetable brothers to make the salads on their plates. hey, if the quality of mercy must not be limited and people can't talk about peace with their mouths full of the victims of violence, then i guess we'd better extend that mercy to all living things and start developing synthetic foodstuffs. no? plants are ok to kill and eat? where's the respect for life, you fucking hypocrites?! soylent green is people, man!

wake up, assholes, it's called the food chain. things on the bottom of the food chain get eaten by the things on the top. no amount of sensationalist tabloid journalism is going to change that. and in the meantime, i think i'll have me a double cheeseburger and fries. see, i'm not prejudiced, i kill plant and animal life equally. and it tastes GOOD.
Mood: annoyed